Alright after long delay and utter procrastination I am finally blogging.

Honestly this book has been an upside down emotional roller coaster for me. Starting out I thought oh my goodness this guy is crazy and I don't understand what feeling the breeze and listening to bullfrogs jump from one lily pad to another has anything to do with growing more intimate with God. Until about chapter 4 I was kinda fed up with the metaphors and touchy feely faith...just get to the point. Then I realized I hadn't been reading this book with the right perspective and I wasn't processing it in the way I need to receive it.

I can't remember the last time I had those butterfly like expectations in my heart for Jesus. I can't remember what it feels like to experience the rush of excitement knowing that Jesus is pursuing me. When Brent talks about the heart I resonate with the yearning for intimacy, beauty and adventure. But many times fear and thoughts of the past and doubt quickly trump that yearning. I want to get that place again in my walk. That place where I can feel the pursuit of the Lord on my life. Where I can physically feel Him pulling and tugging on me. I want to want Him again.

Pastor Eric talked this week at church about discouragement and how it completely blows the confidence we have in Christ. I realized a big Arrow on my heart is discouragement. Lately with all of the arrows that are hitting the girls I disciple and myself.. I've felt discouraged. Discouraged as a leader.. and ready to give up. On Sunday I gave it to the Lord... I can't handle all of these things.. all of these arrows..And i'm not expected to. I can't let these things..these hurts and pain affect me or my walk with God...or daily living. He has to heal them and take them away. I can't. And that is honestly a shot to my pride of desperately wanting to please people and be a good leader. I cannot do this without the intimacy that He has for me. I guess my next question is..how do I get there?

I have a few thoughts. I need accountability..Accountability for life boundaries and a discipline for growing this intimacy with God. I shared a vulnerable piece of my heart today with Lacey for starters to that accountability. I need to fast and pray as a lifestyle. Pastor Eric talked about reaching a point in your walk where the same old same old doesn't cut it anymore..I've reached that point about ten million times over again. I'm tired and I need more amo.

That's all for now..